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The best country song you never heard of, at least according to the web

Country Musings by Robert Loy, March 1999

Aren't internet launch sites great? Useless for finding anything on the World Wide Wait, of course, but entertaining in other ways. When you type in what you're seeking at Excite (www.excite.com) it gives you about 10 words it thinks you might want to add to your query to narrow down the results.

These words are sometimes amazingly accurate - when I typed in "Radio programmers" Excite suggested the words "Amateur" and "lynch" and sometimes just bafflingly bizarre for Charlie Pride it suggested I add "humbled" "sneakers" "Chaplin" "sheen" "simba" and/or "Chan." (How did it know I was wondering what kind of athletic footwear Mr. Pride might wear to a Charlie Chaplin-Lion King-Charlie Chan triple feature?).

How is Excite at recommending websites? I typed in "Hot new country" (suggested words, by the way, were "usatoday" (is that a word?) "Europe" and "discount"). Of the top of the responses, four were XXX-rated (here's an Internet hint for you, if you're not looking for porn don't use the word "hot"), one was for barbecue sauce, and one referred me to a golf course in Arkansas.

Okay, so Excite is not real precise. But it is thorough. When I typed in "Country Standard Time" I got 2,919,236 responses. (Suggested words: maxi, poids, puissance, avance, broche I'm no expert on feminine protection but shouldn't that be maxi "pads"?) I found a tea exporter in Sri Lanka, a place to buy used ambulances. I found a really kinky site at #63, but nothing about everybody's favorite country magawebzine in the top 100.

At "Ask Jeeves" (www.askjeeves.com) where you don't have to use all that Boolean logic "Garth Brooks AND Johnny Rivers OR Billy Ocean BUT NOT Veronica Lake" stuff. You ask it a question in English and it answers you sort of in English. I asked Jeeves "Why is country music so bland today?" and he referred me to Alabama's website which seemed appropriate.

Encouraged, I asked "What is the greatest country song of all time?" Jeeves' answer was "Anchors aren't just pretty faces."

The greatest country song of all time, and I've never even heard of it. People, I am as humbled as Charlie Pride without his Lion King sneakers.